Yah, so its been awhile.

I keep meaning to get back to this and finish the story, but I just can't seem to do it. Some day I will, but for now I'd like to focus on some happier things. Its kinda weird putting this all out there for everyone to see, but I don't think there is too many of you out there anyways. Probably a good thing.
I visited my dad's grave not too long ago, and for the first time I was able to do so without crying. Em and I did our usual poor a bottle of scotch on dad's grave, talk about funny shit dad did, and how much we missed him. Having a parent gone is a weird feeling, it's like having a buffer to death gone. I think about all the things I could have told him, but didn't, and I think of all the things I should have asked him, but didn't. I think about how, like myself, my kids will never know their grandfather. Or how funny, smart, and the life of the party my dad was. How he pointed out constellations to us and explained worm-hole theories while we were still small children. How even though he was an atheist, he took us to church because we asked him too. How whatever the question, he would always give us the straight, truthful answer. How his lawn was his religion, and how insane it made him that the next door neighbors had nothing but dirt and crabgrass. How he trusted us to do what was right and to stay out of trouble, never doubting us unless we gave him cause too. How pissed he would get if you turned up the heat from 65 degrees, and tell us to "put a sweater on". Or if we were inside on a beautiful day, he would threaten to "find us something to do if we couldn't", which always meant some sort of gardening, including the dreaded "here is a bowl. Fill it with blueberries" or "go pick up all the sticks in the front yard".
How much he loved all of our many animals, looking for lost ones, and finding the dead ones. How much he loved scotch, and not in an alcoholic way, put in the way a connoisseur loves it. How much he LOVED Cape Cod, and happy hour with the family. How much he hated George Bush, and how he still voted in 2006 even though he couldn't walk, and was in immense pain, he still went to vote. His funny laugh, when if he really got going , he would kinda giggle in such a peculiar way. How much he loved astronomy and his telescope, and the hours in the cold he spent in his little observatory. What a genius he was with computers and technology. How he couldn't draw or spell to save his life. How bad his handwriting was, so that even he couldn't read it. How much he loved the Patriots, and thank fucking god they won a few superbowls before he died. How he was full of what I like to call 'dadisms', including:
"exactly"
"it is what it is"
"negative"
"affirmative" (always confused the waitresses)
"not bad, yourself"
"shitski" (Russian for shit)
and so much more.
I miss him every day, and after almost two years of him gone, I wonder if I will ever get used to it.